I can recall a time recently when my family and I were in the mall and I decided to stop at the makeup counter of a department store. I was asking questions on a specific brand when I overheard a daughter (who was around 5 years old) asking her mom if the salesperson was a lady or man. The mom ignored her mom initially, which only caused the child to continue on with the gender questioning of the salesperson. Finally, at the persistent of the child, the mom angrily responded to the child that, “the “man” was there to help customers and should or could not be interrupted by blabbering children”. The mother quickly walked away, tugging the child along, as she was clearly embarrassed by her child’s comment.
The message being communicated to the child through this interaction was that it was not okay to question or try to retrieve answers based on their curiosity. The child may have felt that it was not okay to talk openly, or at all, about differences that they witness daily causing them to possible have an internalized bias against people unlike those they are related to or familiar with.
This would have been the perfect time for the parent to use this as a teachable moment, stayed calm and responded to the question without making a big deal of it. Based on the physical features of the salesperson it was unclear as to the gender, so I certainly can identify with a child being doubtful. Being that the mom did not want to address this in the store, I surely hope she attended to the inquisitiveness of her daughter in private as she openly discussed her uneasiness and feelings towards the subject while also finding an appropriate way and time to answer any and all questions. Eric Hoffman (2010), a contributing writer, suggested that we adhere to the following guidelines when responding to children’s curiosity:
· Listen, stay calm, and don’t make assumptions about the child
· Listen for their feelings behind their words (is it just curiosity or discomfort).
· Figure out exactly what the child wants to know and answer it by responding matter-of-factly
· Follow up either by conversation or activities
References:
Derman-Sparks, L., Edwards, J., Hoffman, E., (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
You chose a great example to speak about this week. Not being a parent, I can't completely place myself in the parent's shoes, but I can imagine that this would be a difficult remark to address at that moment. It is important that we don't offend or hurt the feelings of the person being spoken about, but at the same time, we do not want to completely ignore the child's comment. I can only imagine how difficult this type of scenario might be. But you're right... I do believe that it is essential to discuss this when privacy is available.
ReplyDeleteChildren are so honest. They say what they feel. I feel think the mom could have handled the situation better then she did. I know she was embrassed by her child's comments and like Beki said it will be essential to discuss the child's comment in private when the time is right.
ReplyDelete